


Harley Vance, The Best Matchmaker!

by Livali



Category: Mobile Legends: Bang Bang (Video Game)
Genre: Borderline crack, Gen, Humor, Multi, Somewhat, but also because she and miya are thirsty hoes, lesmiya and gusrina best otps? yes., now rated t not just for lesley's sailor mouth, tags recently updated bcs for once i want to organize, the vance duo, with a bit of plot, zilfrey if u squint HAHAHAH
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-30
Updated: 2018-09-18
Packaged: 2019-07-04 12:21:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 19,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15841206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Livali/pseuds/Livali
Summary: Harley thinks it’s time for his goddamned sister to get laid.





	1. of secrets and first dates

**Author's Note:**

> crackfic. also the first time i've ever written something dialogue heavy, apologies if you spot a few errors. it's not beta-read.
> 
> on the other hand, there will be mentions of a 'conglomerate'. think of it as an institute who oversees the heroes' matches. so that conglomerate is like some, huge ass dorm divided into various wings. thank you for reading in advance.

 

She doesn’t know how she ended up sitting in a second-rate restaurant with her brother in tow. But she’s there, and it’s downright bullshit.

“Come on sis, it’s not that bad.”

“I shouldn’t have listened to you.” The sniper glowered at her fingers, managing to send a look of disappointment at the smaller figure beside her shortly after. “How I agreed to this is a mystery.”

“It’s because I’m handsome. Sister. It’s my effect on you of course.” The younger Vance joked. “And because it’s high time you date and get some booty.”

“Harley, I appreciate your gesture of attempting to _reconnect_ with me. But perhaps I would’ve enjoyed it more if you didn’t actually leave the Eruditio Capital just to meddle with my affairs.” Lesley sighed, she wanted to leave but there’s some unknown force- perhaps she’s missed the boy too dearly- that’s keeping her from doing so. “I am the best sharpshooter of the Vance household- and maybe more. I have jobs to do. I have-”

“Never been on a date!”

One of Lesley’s eyebrows twitched. “That’s not-  I’m-”

“Sister. Please, for the love of the Land of Dawn. You need this. Not just for me, but for the Vance household too! I heard the servants are so tired of hearing you ‘testing the rifle’ or ‘restocking your bullets’ every time you go home. It’s so boring.” Harley remarked, ignoring his elder sibling’s groans of protest. “You know what. Just think of this as some sort of mission. Some recon! Besides, I heard The Holy Blade’s ego is just as big as the bounty on his head. You ought to use the info you gathered for future uses, am I right or not?”

“I hate how you are correct. But there’s no time.” She stood from her seat. “There’s much to analyze, more jobs to take, and more-”

_Slam._

“YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH CONNECTIONS I SOUGHT OUT TO GET THIS DATE. DON’T YOU DARE LEAVE, LESLEY VANCE.”

She returns to where she sat. Honestly, she could’ve just gone ahead, she just felt bad. That statement would’ve been more effective in instilling fear if it weren’t for the fact that Harley was barely half her height. “Fine then. I’m only doing this for the house. Not you. And didn’t I teach you about your pottymouth-“

“Shit. He’s coming. Try to look smug. I planted a device in your ear, we’ll be in touch-” The boy disappeared before completing the sentence.

“Where-“

“Here.” The Holy Blade, Gusion Paxley himself, sat across her. “It’s been quite a while since I’ve heard from you. I heard you have some matters to discuss with me?”

“Uh.” Lesley didn’t recognize him at first, as he had thrown over a worn out brown hood, covering most of his facial features. Understandable as the man was deemed a fugitive, a bounty stuck to him by the Magic Council, or so as the rumours have told her. She had dressed as well- her definition of ‘dressed’ taking of her blue tailcoat because it was hot- Harley having none of that shit of course, but she cared less much to the boy’s dismay. The earpiece was hidden on her left ear, her hair making perfect cover.

“Land of Dawn to Vance?”  He leaned forward, snapping his fingers in front of her face. “Anything to say? You never come to me nor contact me unless you want information or something.”

“My brother.”

“Pardon?”

She sighed for what was the umpteenth time that day. “My brother. He set this up. I don’t really need anything from you in this time… He’s just being an ass.”

“Oh.” Gusion blinked. “I’ve seen him back at the conglomerate. A handful, definitely takes after you.”

Lesley raised an eye to that statement but paid no attention to it few seconds later. “Apologies if you’ve come a long way because of some petty shit I agreed to, admittedly he can be quite the player.”

“Might as well make this ‘date’ worth a while then, Vance.” The woman detected a change in tone of his voice, but it wasn’t enough to think over. “Heard of that archer back at the conglomerate? She’s rising through the ranks again, after lying so stagnant.”

“Miya.” Lesley mouthed flatly. “Her name is Miya. I’ve faced her couple of times in the mess hall back at the conglomerate.”

“Hmmm.”

“And she wasn’t stagnant, or so you say.” She cleared her throat. “She’s just taken a rest from the many times that I may or may not have provoked her.”

“Provoked my ass. More liked dueled. I’m surprised you even have the nerve to start fights with people there, and even more knowing someone. And here I thought you liked laying low.” The man couldn’t hide the smirk playing through his lips. His relationship with Lesley wasn’t exactly close- more of a patron and their client. But close enough to make a few verbal jabs here and there-

“She’s different. A challenge in numerous ways.”

“Can’t argue with that.” Gusion’s grin grew wider. “She’s quite a player. Very slender fingers. She was _sore_ the last time I spoke to her.”

She was- wait what?

“Though she’s always so serious and so grumpy, I’ve managed to will her into _playing_ with me. Real quiet, but it’s always _a pleasure_ to see her win. _Eager._ ” The smirk on Gusion’s lips grew devilish as he saw Lesley’s slightly disturbed expression, the woman feeling unusually wanton as she stared at it.

“I would like to end this meeting. Things have been rather fruitless.” She stood exhibiting no further interest in continuing their little conversation (especially before things _got out of hand_ ), “I’m sorry to waste your time.”

She turned back and left. Nothing good has come out of this ‘arrangement’. She was certain she’ll have to get her hands on her slippery brother later. In the distance she can hear Gusion’s laughter, but she muted it out and focused on more pressing matters at hand. “Harley.”

 _“Yes?”_ He replied through the earpiece.

“Spill.”

_“Spill what?”_

“How you got to him. How you set him up with me. You don’t even know him.”

 _“He’s quite an annoyance if you ask me. He likes loitering around and messing with people. I was just at the conglomerate and outwitted him on a bet, by some lucky chance.”_ Harley paused for a bit. _“Wait, aren’t you supposed to be with him? Wasn’t really following your exchange, thought you were smooth enough.”_

“I left him. I hated the conversation, period.” She said hoarsely, feeling a bit satisfied hearing the disappointed groan of her brother from the other side. “Spill the details on what bet. And how you beat him.

_“So much for getting laid, and I thought you were getting some tonight.”_

The boy hears an impatient growl.

_“Okay okay! We were playing chess and I started trashtalking him and stuff but I still won through a stalemate! Looks like he does have a hobby aside from looking like a pretty boy hurling daggers at dummies. So like, I made a deal. He won’t do shit if I didn’t do anything, so I gave him a few things.”_

The older Vance sibling blinked. “What things?”

 _“Uh.”_ She heard the mage audibly gulp from the earpiece. _“…Personal stuff.”_

“Like?”

 _“…uh, well. It’s not about me. It’s well… you know…”_ Harley’s voice trailed slowly, rather shaken. Realization struck through the sniper, her voice suddenly deep and _furious_. “Holy shit. Harley. You fucking didn’t.”

“ _It was YOUR personal stuff… Ha…ha…”_

Harley _Fucking_ Vance.

“Huh. Looks like she isn’t coming back anytime soon, how rude. To think I ordered a few drinks, oh well.” Gusion remarked to himself, plopping his two legs above the table. “And you can come out of that hiding spot you know, the invisibility spell you’re using is basic as shit.”

“Hm, I knew I never excelled in the stealth department anyway.”

“You are so bad at this. Ew.” He retorted. “How long have you been there, elf?”

“Since she left, not that long. She looked annoyed more than amused, you could’ve tried harder.” Miya replied, suddenly fading into sight. She sat where Lesley was on prior, while the drinks were served she was showing next to no interest. “I would’ve done better, Paxley.”

“I wasn’t planning to hold the conversation, was just ticking her off.” He smirked, albeit just lightly. “Looks like I just did. I’ve found out marvelous things today.”

“And what would that be?”

“None of your concern.”

Miya scoffed lightly. “Nothing is your concern unless it’s Karina. You’re obviously so in love with her it’s making everyone at the conglomerate sick.”

“Shut it before I slit your throat- what the hell?” He glanced out of the restaurant’s windows. Miya assumed the man saw something that caused him to curse, especially how odd his expression looked. Which made her follow his gaze at the same direction. She saw a male. And with a monkey. And male.

“What in Nazar’s name are you doing here?” he hissed, not intentionally, it’s just how their interactions come and go. He took a nearby spoon, just in case he needed it. He didn’t have his blades around.

“Was just making sure _my_ woman didn’t fall to the hands of the likes of your traps or something. I care for my targets. I make sure they are _safe_.” Claude ran his hands through his hair. “On a serious note, was just suspicious since Vance doesn’t come to you unless _I_ didn’t know shit. I don’t know what you bribed her with, since I’m like, her first-tier informant.”

“It was her brother, nothing to do with me.” Gusion remarked with no emotion.

“Huh, good. I thought Vance’s tastes were getting stale.” The thief’s tone became sharp and condescending. “A rather ugly dude nowhere near my level of looks. Very bad choice to choose you, indeed.”

The assassin ridiculed him with a jeer. “If I’m ugly, then you’re worse. I got Vance to sit with me and now I’m with Miya, not you.”

“You’re just acquainted with Miya since she’s friends with that night elf. And maybe Vance is just confused, doesn’t know a good man when she sees one! This is why I’m here to convince her otherwise.” He glared at the brunette. “I know a good find when I see one. Then I steal it.”

“She left.” Miya flatly stated out of the blue. “If you wanted to sweep her off her feet then you’re late.”

“Hah, slow.” The assassin whispered. It could barely even register as a whisper with how quiet it was. His eyebrow still twitched at the gears turning in his head. So Claude clearly travelled miles just so he can crash and steal his supposed ‘date’. It was apparent that there was only one solution.

But in a very, very civil manner. Of course.

Miya knew it was her cue to leave.

Gusion gestured for one of the restaurant’s rather huge waiters. “Excuse me sir, but this man is violating me and my friend here. Would you please, _kindly_ , escort him to the exit?”

The waiter acquiesced, the man’s rather large frame making Gusion seem like an ant in comparison. “Will do, sir.”

“Wait what-”

Claude made flying look like child’s play when hurled by someone over seven feet tall, the brunette took note. He watched as the man hit the opposite side of the street, the sounds of a fulfilling crack heard within earshot before the body dropped into a dumpster.

“Thanks.” Gusion slipped a few golden coins into the waiter’s hands. The man decided to take a few more drinks until he decided that his ‘date’ wasn’t returning for sure. “Huh, guess she really did ditch.”

“If you’re looking for your woman,” the waiter from earlier remarked. “I saw her running across the street. Was chasing a little man. Then I saw her return, entered one of the alleyways across the street. I guess you still have to pay up.” The large man slid the bill to the assassin, eyeing his wallet sympathetically. “Some don’t really know common courtesy.”

“All is good. I have eyes for someone else anyway.” That statement earned a snort from the waiter. The night wasn’t that much of a bust. In fact it was very productive, he’s earned way too much good bribery material from it. Maybe he should lose to that midget of a brother more often-

“You paid the bill already? My apologies.” Lesley appeared out of nowhere, sounding breathless. Her hair still tied to its signature braid but was beyond unruly. The woman’s eyes were shining with something close to… exhilaration? The duo stayed put uncomfortably, seeing how the man noted of her appearance. “You didn’t need to come back, had everything covered.”

“I know. But it’s still unfair. Have my portion.” She reached for her pockets, momentarily considering something before shoving a fistful of coins into his hands.

“I certainly don’t need any-“ He stared at the money and blinked. She just gave him enough gold to live in Eruditio for a damn week. “Wow.”

Lesley smirked. “My missions pay very well.”

“Eh sure. Whatever makes you sleep well at night.” He pocketed the coins, watching as the girl turned to the door and leave. She turned her head before making her way out and remarked, “also, please tell Miya I send my regards.”

Huh, so she knew she was here. Gusion began to wonder what happened to Claude, considering the man had broken a few bones on the way out. And what happened to Miya? Oh right, she left earlier.

He soon went out and saw something in a nearby alleyway that interested him, and saw Bruno lying about the trash heap, whimpering and holding his head. A bunch of arrows were around him, his ball deflated. The most prominent feature being a boot mark to his face.

Gusion shrugged and eyed the ladder near the Protector. He’d seen more bizarre things that night.

“Aren’t you gonna help me or something?!” The blonde yelled.

“No.” The assassin replied coldly as he climbed up.

Miya sat on the rooftop, polishing her bow with a towel. She was staring at nearby buildings with a bemused expression on her face.

“You okay there?” Gusion waved in front of her. He hemmed and quickly looked away when he noticed that she looked rather disheveled. The cape she was wearing prior now missing. “Hey.”

Miya suddenly shook her head, snapping out of her daze. “Oh, I’m fine.” She stood up, putting her bow back in place by a case on her back. “Bruno was trying to crash your ‘date’ for some reason. Just stopped him.”

“So you shot him until he jumped into a pile of garbage or something?”

“Close.” She averted his inquiring gaze.

“Cool. Claude did as well, didn’t do anything threatening though. Hope he was caught.”

“Well.” Miya cleared her throat, the woman seemed visibly bothered. “Little question. Are you still planning to see Vance in the future?”

“Well it’s part of my agreement with her brother, whether she likes it or not. The deal’s too good, I still have many to find out.”

She frowned, being quiet for a short moment. She still wasn’t looking at him. “I don’t think you should anymore. Her preferences are different,” she added briskly. “Very different.”

He raised an eyebrow. “How so?”

“None of your concern.” She laughed, sarcasm oozing. “I’m just… sure. You shouldn’t, really. Her taste in people doesn’t align with yours.”

He blinked. “Oh. Speaking of her, Lesley Vance sends her regards.”

“Tch.” Miya muttered under her breath, “so much for _duels_.”

“What was that?”

“Nothing.” The elven woman climbed down the ladder, knowing the man would get it. Sooner or later. He wasn’t that dense, he’d get it.

What’s the worse that could happen anyway?


	2. of revelations and close calls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harley finds out his sister's preferences aren't what he thinks they are. Also, utter chaos. Downright, absolute chaos.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is as twice as long as the first chap lmfao wtf
> 
> apologies for any errors. not beta-read, as i've stated

She wasn’t sure how she should spell it out to him.

She was a cold-hearted killer, merciless assassin, famed sharpshooter of the Vance household, and very shrewd at that. She always thought Harley was clever enough to find out, but he wasn’t. The woman had tried everything: countless clues, euphemisms, flash cards, and even charts. But he didn’t take the damn hint, since he was so deep in finding ideal male suitors.

Lesley Vance, infamous sniper of the underground, can’t tell her damn brother that she wasn’t into guys.

The redhead grew a tad impatient. How long does she have to keep up? What ways does she have to use to insinuate to her brother that even dating anyone was a bad idea? She never thought of using it, only as a last resort. The situation called for it, she’ll have to tell him the direct way. Which was why she decided to stay by Franco’s café at the conglomerate’s north wing.

A few other heroes stood by the patio outside the café. The people in the northern wing were very nice, a rare breed around the place. Aurora had offered her a drink of hot chocolate on her way here, and Freya the same. People of Nost Gal apparently liked their hot drinks. The Malefic Gunner, whom was passing by to get to the east wing, waved to her when the redhead caught a glimpse of her at the corner of her eye, returning the gesture though less exuberant.

Franco’s little café was famous around the institute because it was probably the only place there where one can get a quiet and peaceful meal without getting disturbed by fights. Various skirmishes broke about the mess halls in various wings for various reasons- the most recent being in the south wing, reasons rumored to be Chou picking a fight with Claude, who was actually a new recruit in the conglomerate.

Truth to be told, this morning, Lesley had seen Harley kick Bruno in the face when he approached the young mage, with his lips pursed, at the Great Hall of Emblems. Alpha let out a laugh and Lolita jabbed him in defense of her friend. Saber elbowed her arm to defend his ‘brother’, while Alpha suddenly flipped the table as a response to the Steel Elf’s ‘hostility’.

Things began to become rowdy when the three decided to brawl in the middle of the hall, thus alerting Rafaela to break things up- but was later hit by Alpha’s drones. The Celestial Palace and the Order of Nazar came to Rafaela’s defense, and so did Johnson, who crashed into the brawl just because he wanted to.

Lesley swore she saw Miya by the same wing earlier, who was perhaps there because she wanted to comfort Rafa- and she _definitely_ swore she saw the elf glanced her way. She felt her heart beat a little faster- from fear. Just the acknowledging sort of fear. Of course, nothing else. 

Despite their differences, Lesley acknowledges that Miya is the better sharpshooter.

While her ‘good banging instincts’ told her to not do it, she left the wing, contacting her brother in the process to have breakfast at the north wing. She didn’t have to make things clear, Harley knew where to have breakfast when people referred to the ‘north wing’.

The sniper drank her coffee agitatedly, after gulping half of the drink down she began running her hand through her hair. She had no idea how her relationship with the moon elf stood, as that rather funny encounter at the restaurant’s rooftop was enough to get her… _aroused_ , in some way. Mostly because they were trying to explain their dubious ‘debauchery’ to a red-faced, panicking Bruno, who really had nothing to do with them in the first place.

She may admittedly have been ‘too reactive’ when she spotted the man climbing up the ladder. By too reactive, she shot him with her rifle into kingdom-come, heaven beyond, higher than the celestial plane. Somehow despite being occupied with climbing up the ladder, he dodged her bullets- even waving his arms with surrender. She was supposed to be searching Harley on that spot and she may or may not have mistaken Bruno for him.

That’s where Miya suddenly vaulted onto the rooftop. Landing on the edge of the chimney.

Then on top of Bruno’s head.

The sniper was signaling for the elven woman to stop but it had been too late, as Miya already kicked Bruno down into the trash heap. Only realizing moments later that she shouldn’t have done that. Miya went to the side and peered at the edge to see if Bruno was okay, until Lesley suddenly jerked her arm.

Then she got shoved against the chimney, pressed each other’s bodies and leaned forward and-

To say that Miya was surprised was a joke. They were merely close friends at the time. Lesley knew that Miya knew that her tastes were… _questionable_. The entire situation it seemed as if she was indifferent to the archer’s vivid entrance- seeing as she did suddenly tumble onto the roof. Though, the moment Lesley closed in on her and proceeded to kiss the chimney bricks convinced her otherwise.

Too slow. So much for acting cool, Vance. That elf’s shit-eating grin would haunt her to the grave.

The sudden turn of events have been too entertaining and too… perturbing, to say at the least. To say that she was ‘freaking out’ the moment she pinned the elven woman down and dove in for another attempt to catch her lips was the understatement of the century-

She coughed, seemingly flustered as she yanked her collar. It was too early in the morning to feel this… hot and bothered.

“Hey sis.” Harley suddenly popped in, gleaming in his usual attire. He took a quick glance at the half-eaten sandwich beside her cup of coffee. “That fight earlier. I know. Sorry for disturbing breakfast.”

“I could care less about that now. When is the conglomerate going to realize that having everyone eat in only one place is not the brightest of ideas?” She breathed out. “Can’t even eat breakfast without hearing a fight break out at the nearby tables.”

Harley shrugged. “I doubt they would fix that. They’d prefer practicality over comfort.” He sat down and put his hands on his hips. A long moment transpired before he broke the silence. “So… what did you want to discuss about?”

“Stop finding me a date.”

Harley winced, she hasn’t seen that in a while. “No way. I don’t want you to die a virgin.”

What. “Then I won’t die, simple.”

“It isn’t simple sister. I just want you to follow your heart.”

“I believe it is simple.” She said flatly.

“No it isn’t.”

“Yes it is.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“No.”

“No.”

“Ha! I’m not that dumb sister! I’m a prodigy.” Harley’s palms landed on the table with a thud, looking quite delighted with himself. “You fool me once, then shame on you. Fool me more than once, then hell and back shall crash down onto-“

“I need to be frank with you.” She groaned. She didn’t want to resort to this. Never did. “I like women.”

Harley snorted. “Everyone does, I don’t see your point.”

“Exactly how men like women.”

“Then you and your potential boyfriend have more in common!”

Lesley gawked at her brother dubiously. “Are you taking me seriously?”

“You like women how men like women. Like how Kaja likes women! And Rafaela.” Harley sighed. “I know where this is going, you’re just trying to derail me sister, stop lying. There’s got to be some dude you like somehow.”

That wasn’t even her motive. And wait. Kaja and Rafaela?

“Harley.” She let out a tired breath as she rested her chin on her palm. “I’m gay.”

There was a pause.

“Oh.”

The young man’s eyes opened and closed rapidly, the hints finally made sense. “Then that doesn’t make sense! Why did you agree? I didn’t know you weren’t into guys, geez…”

“If I tell you.” The sniper leaned forward, “then you swear not to tell anyone on the face of this Earth, ever?”

“Uh. Sure.”

“Gusion is friends with someone I like.” She said as she proceeded to decimate what remained of the sandwich she ordered. “Do you see it now?”

“Who is she?”

“No.” She sneered. Seconds later the two see a recall symbol below the sniper’s feet and the flickers of yellow light from her body. Thank Nazar, she was being called into a match. “Unfortunately, I need to be somewhere.”

“Godammit, you know I’ll find out! Eventually!” His last words were a blur, before she found herself standing on the red team’s nexus platform.

She sees the thumbs-up from a familiar gloved fellow. “Hope we have a good match today!” She turned to see Layla, who was beaming, high-spirited like usual. Zhask stood near her scoffing, while Natalia was at the side, scowling at her feet.

“Likewise.” Lesley replied.

“I hope we do great today.” Hylos remarked, but rather tiredly. Perhaps he was summoned while resting? “Lest you two forget, we are at a terrible disadvantage having your role chosen on our team twice…”

“Yeah yeah.” Layla waved it off. “I know two markswomen was a bad idea. There’s nothing I could’ve done anyways.”

The match commenced shortly after.

It had been rather uneventful at first. It was obvious that her team was fighting a losing battle, especially with two assassins on the other team that definitely knew what they were doing. The tables only began to turn in their favor when Natalia decided to abandon going into team fights and prioritize pushing- which was a long overdue decision considering their team composition. Really. The enemy team split forces- the Shadow of Iga defending whatever remained of his team’s top lane against the Bright Claw. Lesley huffed. Ignorance does get the best of many sometimes.

The game somehow lasted until Layla and the sniper herself had gotten three of their core equipment- their shots began ripping through the enemy formation, their Johnson dropping like a fly.

Lesley had been observing Natalia during her sneaky escapades, the assassin being fast. Deadly fast. Like eradicating-Helcurt-before-he-even-finished-taunting-her-fast. And never did she pause; her movements deliberate and swift- proceeding to shred Jawhead, then spinning around to cleave through Vexana with no hesitation. She was deadly, tearing the enemy backline before they even took notice.

The Bright Claw left numerous bodies in her wake, sending the enemy team to retreat to the safety of their towers, which proved to be rather useless as she and Layla were strengthened enough to go after weakened survivors.

It was a long, long, match.

Layla placed a hand on the sniper’s left shoulder, her gloves dirtied from the recent bloodshed. “That was insane! I never thought in a million years we would even win that match!” She beamed for what was the thousandth time that day, nodded and left the platform. Zhask merely hummed in agreement, before following the Malefic Gunner. Hylos gave her a pat on the back, before he left the platform as well. Natalia then came up to her, still scowling, opened her mouth but closed it halfway.

“Your aiming this match was rather off.” The hooded woman stated at long last.

Lesley quirked a brow at the statement- she had one of the highest kills next to Natalia herself. Apparently Helcurt was very desperate and thought it was a good idea to assault her under her tower with Hylos in tow. Several times.

“I did quite fine opinion-wise. I don’t see anything wrong.”

“Your kills do not justify your deaths.” She gestured to Lesley’s bloodied left arm where the ninja, Hayabusa, decided that her arm needed to be more ‘decorated’ at one point. “You kept dying before the second turtle was summoned.”

“Hm. Indeed a mistake I don’t want to see happening often, thank you for pointing it out.”

Natalia was tacit, her eyes giving away that she was deep in contemplation. “You were watching me the entire match.”

The sniper was a tad surprised, but quickly regained her composure. “Ah. Admittedly, I was transfixed on how you fight. You did very well despite our questionable team composition.”

Her face remained stony and uninterested, but the way her eyebrows raised themselves gave away that she appreciated the compliment. “Experience…”

The hooded woman turned and walked away from the platform, the markswoman’s eyebrow arched at her retreating figure. While being silent and unapproachable was Natalia’s trademark, it seemed as if the other woman was trying to liaise to her to ways unknown. The way the woman’s eyebrows twisted and contorted reminded her of Gusion trying to charm Karina.

Lesley jumped off the platform to be transported back to her quarters. The transportation, she must admit, was convenient. She really didn’t want to walk through the halls again hearing a fight or two break off in the distance. The process was quite nauseating though, as she discretely thanked the heavens when she felt the cold, hard floor of her room. She opened her eyes to the familiar sight of her assigned chambers. And Miya.

And Miya. On her bed.

…Miya was on her bed.

Lesley wiped her eyes, checking to see if what she was seeing wasn’t an illusion. The elf was leaned back against the headboard, her arms behind her head giving the impression that she might’ve dozed off in her room, of all places. The woman wasn’t even trying to look appealing, but it’s hard to not look sexy with a smirk that could flake body from soul.

“What the fuck.” Lesley remarked, backing away to the door and proceeding to open it little by little. She had absolutely no clue what the elven woman was doing here, and _how_ she even got here, but she wasn’t taking any chances. Her body was remembering Miya too, and that wasn’t in any way, shape or form assuring.  

The white-haired woman crossed her arms, her smirk grew wider. “Apologies, I didn’t know you weren’t accepting guests.”

“I am.” She voiced. Lesley wondered where her funeral should be held. Or if she should be cremated. “Though, I prefer my guests presenting the purpose of their visit before actually visiting.”

Miya merely hummed in response. She looked at Lesley’s arm and rested her chin upon her palm (who stopped opening the door now, apparently). “Looks painful.”

“Thanks.” The sniper said mockingly, taking a new long-sleeved collar out from her closet. “What are you doing here?”

“I just thought we could have a nice chat. That’s all.” Miya stood, her amethyst eyes sharply meeting with pools of hickory. Her iconic grin, that could make any being swoon, ever-present. “That was quite a _stunt_ you pulled at the rooftop, I must say.”

The assassin’s muscles tensed at the mention of the memory. Lesley considered the option of jumping out the window, but quickly dismissed it as her room was on the fourth floor. She thought of making a run for it, but remembered that Miya’s stamina was on a different level entirely. She could catch her in seconds. “Our chat isn’t anything bad, don’t worry.”

“Uh. Alucard’s room is across mine, if you didn’t know.”

The snicker on Miya’s face disappeared. “Why would I want to see him?”

“Don’t you two like each other?” Lesley was considering running out the hall. “Rumours have been flying about, just so you know…” she chattered, hoping it was a distraction enough.

“Alucard’s gay. _Vance_.”

“…oh.” She said meekly. She eyed the door, but before she could even move, Miya had closed it. Her speed was unparalleled, definitely. Before she even knew it, she was slammed against the wall before her eyes could even flutter.

“You made the first move, Vance.” Miya whispered in her ear, hot breaths against the sensitive skin. Her hand snaked over the redhead’s cheek. “Am I the one who has to remind you where your proclivity really lies?”

Lesley wasn’t sure if she was dreaming or not- but the heat in her cheeks, the daze in her head was telling her otherwise. She was certain she made the wrong decision looking away, for the reason she kept finding her gaze back to the elf’s jaw, her well-proportioned lips, her intense gaze, and everything else.

Fuck, she was hot.

“What do you want?” She asked weakly. It was supposed to come out as a tease. Dammit Vance.

“Hm. I wonder.” Miya placed her hands on the assassin’s hips. She cupped her cheeks, and leaned in slowly.

 Lesley tried to remember how to breathe.

A long and awkward pause ensued. Until Miya frowned and placed her hands on Lesley’s shoulders, pulling herself back. The sniper was admittedly disappointed. “Get out of the closet, you sneak.”

Lesley was about to ask until she heard a thud from her other closet. She could also discern the sound of continuous, profuse cursing. Miya sneered. The person in the closet jeered as a response, then became silent. A few hangers and shirts fell to the floor.

“Who the fuck?” The redhead glanced at the container that stored her clothing.

“Dammit.” Miya murmured, taking her eyes off Lesley and directing her attention towards the closet. A rather familiar voice from the closet reverberated. “You suck elf. I knew I shouldn’t have counted on you to bring home the bacon.” Lesley felt she knew this person. “For fuck’s sake.”

“Shut the fuck up. I told you I can do it by myself.” The assassin stared at her ‘friend’ and the closet back and forth. “Tch. It’s not like you can even go as far as that with Karina. I’d like to see you try.”

“I can do a thousand times better.” The voice snarled.

“Hm. Yeah. I guess I’m not enough of a thot to seduce my way into a conversation, I suppose.”

“Hah. Not like you could,” the voice retorted with equal satire. “Your charisma is probably on the same level as Zilong’s pickup lines, or lower.”

“Coward, come out of there and say that to my face.”

“I could’ve. Just can’t get out of here with all these shirts and boxes and shit.” There was the sound of a blade being unsheathed, metal against leather, and suddenly she heard a few dull sounds. Dust began to appear from the bottom of the door. “…Eh. That’s one problem taken care of.”

Lesley blinked. That was-

“Look.” Miya rubbed her temples. “How about we just forget he’s here and pick up where we left off.” She leaned in.

Lesley dodged the kiss, looking puzzled. “What the hell is he doing here?”

“Uh. He wasn’t supposed to even be here.” The white-haired woman sighed. She was obviously annoyed- and the assassin was as well. Even if she didn’t want to admit it. “Okay now how about let’s just get back to-”

A knock on the door sounded throughout the room, the knob shaking as it opened slowly. “Hey sis I heard your match was over. I think I found out who your bias is.”

Miya and Lesley froze like deer in the headlights.

 _Blast_.

The door opened with a rather violent eruption. Harley casually walked in with a shrug. “Don’t mind if I do.” He stopped walking and gawked at the sight before him. “Uh…”

Miya stepped away swiftly. Her frustrated expression changed into something cool and collected. “I was just having a nice chat with your sister-“

“I KNEW IT!”

“Tsk tsk.” The unseen accomplice from the closet commented with a sigh. “Coward. He was bound to find out eventually.”

Harley had a look of mischief plastered on his face. “So are you two a thing now or-“

“Knock, knock!” A voice cheered from Lesley’s doorway. Miya and Harley turned their heads to see that the infamous Thief Lord had drifted into their room. “Saw your door was open so I came by to return a book I borrowed and… what’s going on here?” Claude glared at Miya, first and foremost. “I already told y’all to leave _my_ Vance alone. Didn’t I?”

Gusion suddenly emerged from the closet, gasping for air, coughing then composing himself once again. “No chances for you, _sir_.”

“What is it about ‘I’m into girls’ do you not understand?” Lesley crossed her arms with a whimper.

Claude had a flat look. “Are you sure you’re not confused or anything…?

Lesley’s hand twitched, nearing the rifle tied to her waist. “Leave before I think about _other things_ to say to you-“

“Are you sure about that?” Bruno suddenly joined in. “We still have to discuss the behavior you exhibited the other night, Vance! That was highly inappropriate, especially since you attacked a high-ranking officer of Eruditio like myself! And to think that you’re the sister of a famed prodigy like Harley-”

“Why the fuck are you guys even going in my room?” Lesley looked like she wanted to shoot someone. Someone with a B. Or maybe a C for that matter. She didn’t care who went first.

Gusion put his hands up. “Maybe trying to protect the Vance chastity?”

“Uh, for your information, I was doing the opposite.” Harley commented.

“Me too.” Miya added.

“Lesley Vance, we need to talk to you.” A voice echoed down the hall, it was authoritative and serious. It belonged to one of Scholar City’s famous officers. “I need a few things to ask for my field report regarding Claude and Gusion Paxley’s charges.” Claude and Gusion instinctively reached for their weapons. Bruno grinned like a madman and prepared his as well. “You two will be brought to justice!”

This wasn’t going to end well.

“We just need to take a few testimonies-“ Saber, in his usual officer attire locked eyes with the two fugitives and stopped. Alpha glanced from behind. “What a fantastic coincidence.”

“Now, now… we can all have a perfectly organized, calm and composed conversation here.” Lesley said cautiously. “How about we all talk outside the hall—“ where her quarters surely wasn’t located, “so we don’t start any unwarranted engagements? Right?”

Saber was getting ready to pull his blades out. Alpha was requesting backup through his walkie-talkie.

The tension in the room was beyond suffocating; only the sounds of blades trickling through their sheaths, guns reloading and the harsh breathing of the occupants were heard. The tension was so fragile that even something as trivial as a cough could unleash hell. Lesley hoped no one did.

But Gusion coughed.

Suddenly, he found himself thrown across the room, courtesy of Alpha, and crashed through the neighboring wall. Lolita who was holding a half-eaten pizza, glared at them through the Gusion-shaped hole, and dove in- casting a massive slow into the sniper’s room and almost, almost, destroyed the floor. Lesley didn’t care for her own room anymore, and worried for the occupant of the room below her.

Dexter attempted to shoot holes into Saber’s head while the assassin nimbly dodged both the monkey and his hologram’s bullets. One of the bullets did go through though, if Saber’s hiss was any giveaway.

Why were there fights everywhere in this damn place?

Lesley thought that Lolita might’ve gone over-the-top with displaying her fury as she was now falling and there was no more ‘Lesley’s Room’ to speak of- not that she was frightened. She knew how to break her fall. Then she thought if Miya might’ve been still in her room, but remembered that the elf casted her invisibility and hid somewhere around the halls before the chaos began- luckily. Thank Nazar she wasn’t caught in the mess.

Natalia looked up to find a room on the fourth floor destroyed and instinctively retreated to the safety of the sides, but instantly went back in when she noticed a familiar figure falling from said room. Instead of finding herself in pain somewhere at the bushes, Lesley found herself in the Bright Claw’s arms.

The hooded woman blinked and looked back up. “What happened up there?” She paused and took a glance at the sniper, putting her down. “Anyways, are you all right?”

“Well-“ Another blast was heard from her room. The duo ran away from the consequential falling debris. And people. To their dismay they didn’t have their own Natalia to catch them. Lesley sighed. “This is like… the seventh time already.”

“Seven fights in a day?”

“No. Seventh time I have to move to a new room because of all these fights.” The process for getting a new room was always, so, so, fucking slow. Lesley was pretty sure that the conglomerate was tedious on purpose just so they can punish the ones involved in the destruction. “So this?” She points at her now destroyed room. “This isn’t a rare occasion.”

“I heard there was one at one of the halls earlier.” Natalia commented quietly.

Exactly. It was started by almost the same people she saw at the Great Hall of Emblems this morning. Damn, these Eruditians…

The Bright Claw gazed at the last black fumes emitting from her colleague’s quarters. Many heroes nearby the ruination had flocked near them. Some in various states of clothing, moods and such. An example being Chou, who was soaking wet and practically only had a towel to protect his virginity. Leo roared in horror when he saw the mess, with Irithel attempting to calm him down at the side.

Lolita had come out of the mess unscathed, standing in terror of her handiwork. A smoking and rather burnt Bruno, Saber and Alpha and Harley were by her side. Claude was unconscious in a nearby bush, also smoking. While Gusion and Miya were nowhere to be found within the wreckage. Most heroes were shooed away as the conglomerate’s authorities went to investigate.

“Where would you stay for the meantime?” Natalia asserted abruptly.

“Ah. I think I would be hanging out by my brother’s room, as usual.” Lesley rubbed the temples of her nose for what was the hundredth time that day. “Where were you going by the way?”

“I was about to go to the mess hall to grab a meal.” The hooded woman eyed her cautiously, but looked forward. “You can join me, if you want to.”

Lesley shook her head, mouthing a quiet ‘no thanks’. Though the gurgling of her stomach changed a few plans. Natalia arched a brow, Lesley snickered. “…never mind. I think I’ll join you.”

She hoped the paperwork can threaten her life later.

 


	3. of rivals and surprises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gusion decides Miya can't handle everything on her own. Dubious shenanigans ensue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao anyway i love the gusmiya friendship dynamic i created here please dont mind my self indulgence HAHAHAH

“You had one job, Miya.”

Miya scoffed in the center of the assassin’s room, taking off her smoking cape and tossing it to the floor of his chambers without care. “Things would’ve gone smoothly if those Eruditians didn’t come-”

“You had _one job_. Ask her out. Or fuck her. I don’t care which goes first.”

Gusion had prepared tips and his own lines in case Miya was stuck—but the elf thought otherwise. Even if the brunette was sure she really wouldn’t have done it without his assistance. “Instead, you stopped to notice _me_. If you continued, things could’ve happened differently.”

“Tsk, fuck you.”

“No. Fuck Lesley. That was the plan.” Indeed it was. The plan was summarized in the simplest way possible, and Gusion had even offered aid. Charm her, court her, fuck her, then improvise and profit. How can anyone mess that up, especially someone tactical like Miya? Of all people.

“Hm. I need a drink.” Gusion went to the pitcher beside his fridge, pouring into a glass as he sighed. He gazed at the blades on his side, the metal showed signs of rusting. He definitely won’t be able to sharpen these in a week or so. But once he did, he made sure to use them to decorate Miya’s bed with the sign of the cross while she was sleeping. “You had her, elf. You had her. All you had to do was give. Give her a little push and talk her into doing what you both wanted to do.”

“I don’t have the appeal like Selena to charm people into my bed, Paxley.”

Even if said bed wasn’t hers in the first place-

“Yes, you do.” The man emptied his glass. “She was willing. You were willing, but you didn’t push it.” He poured more water into his container. “When was the last time you ever dated anyone? Hm?”

Miya was about to answer until they turned their heads at the sound of a knock. Miya walked over to open it and found Karina storming in, the night elf gently closing it after. Gusion almost spat his drink, but pretended nothing happened after while the moon elf smirked. “I heard Lesley’s room was destroyed again.”

“We had nothing to do with it.” Miya said while removing the last specks of dust and debris from her shoulder. “Nothing to worry about.”

Karina quirked a brow, gawking at the duo’s unkempt states. “Why were you guys even in the north wing anyway?”

Gusion chuckled, putting down the half-empty glass of water. “Miya’s trying to get together with Eruditio’s best bitch.”

Karina looked at him. “Which bitch?”

“What do you mean by that?” The Holy Blade blinked.

“Well, I mean,” Karina shrugged, counting and gesturing with her fingers. “Eruditio has a variety of bitches. There’s you, the appear-and-disappear-bitch.” Miya saw Gusion raise a brow at that part; Karina simply ignored this and continued. “And then there’s Claude, who’s just labeled as ‘annoying bitch’. And then there’s Lolita, and Le-”

“The humorless one.”

“…which one?” The night elf batted her eyes.

Gusion posed, gesturing what seemed to be the action of reloading some imaginary rifle. He squawked in a high-pitched voice. “PEW, PEW, PEW-”

The man nimbly strode to the side as an arrow skirled by his head and pierced through the glass cover of a nearby picture frame. “Shut up.”

Miya sauntered towards the door, picking up her dirtied cape and laying it down by her shoulder. She turned around and aimed with her bow once more. “And stay out of my business.”

Karina ducked as an arrow shot through another frame. Gusion let out a frustrated breath, those frames weren’t cheap.

The assassin proceeded to drink away what remained of his beverage, deciding that he would mourn over his broken frames later. Karina frowned, sitting on a nearby chair. “Hm. Miya never told me you two were partners-in-crime for these kinds of things.”

Gusion smirked. “It’s because I hit the jackpot.”

“What do you mean?”

He laughed sarcastically, that short memory was probably one of the best he had so far.

Gusion remembered waking up when the moon elf barged in on his room days ago. She was bloodied and untidy, indicating her return from a rather chaotic match. She asked for bandages as her companions, Nana and Irithel, run out. He didn’t really mind, he had many of those as most of the time he didn’t find use for them. Most of the after-match problems he had to clean up were very minor.

What he didn’t expect though, was after treating herself; she decided to plunder the contents of his fridge. The next thing he knew he was by the table with Miya shoveling food into her mouth, and after she finished what remained of the leftover curry he ordered from Franco’s place, she yanked a box of donuts from said fridge and continued her assault. What the hell happened?

“Uh. You okay?” Gusion commented after a while, handing the elf a box of tissue. The assassin was admittedly worried, thinking the woman should slow down before she suffered from choking. Also because Gusion had no plans performing abdominal thrusts, nor saving her from death. That wasn’t a Paxley’s job.

Miya mouthed her silent thanks before she pillaged the last of his donuts.

Gusion quietly tapped his fingers along the table surface, internally lamenting for the loss of his food supply. Also because he didn’t like it when Miya ate like this. Firstly, it was a pain to watch, and second, because he was on a strict food schedule that day and was suffering for eating some weak-ass sandwich while Miya was shoving his favorite desert into _her_ mouth, and not his own. The man had finally lost grip on his sanity when he saw the woman take out his favorite flavor of Bavarian- it didn’t help that the cream was oozing along her fingers.

“Stop! You make Balmond look civil!” He sighed. Recollecting memories of the time the orc was trying to figure out how to hold a wineglass while drinking with Zilong and Chang’e- though the Dragon Knight insisted Chang’e drank juice instead, much to her chagrin. “Tsk. No wonder no one would want to go out with you. It’s the way you eat.”

Miya glared at him. “This isn’t how I always eat. And no, I’m not fat.”

Gusion eyed her with an annoyed expression. Now that she mentioned it, she never was. It’s impossible to be fat when her daily training regimen was running miles, target practices, isometrics to contours, and honing sheer discipline. There was a reason her stamina was ungodly.

Fucker.

Gusion grinned with a shrug. “Yeah not fat. Maybe just not good-looking.”

Miya put whatever was left of his sweets down, staring daggers at the assassin. “Looks do not measure one’s greatness- but I am aware enough to say that I’m not ugly.”

He shammed disinterest by looking at his fingernails. “Hm, sure thing. When was the last time you ever asked someone out?”

Miya squinted, taking a moment before speaking once again. “I’m not ugly.”

“Please do me a favor and get yourself a date. Maybe you can improve those eating habits of yours in the process.”

“I don’t have time for trivial things like dati-”

“Or you’re just afraid, aren’t you?”

A blade whistled above his head, piercing the wall behind him. That was one of his daggers. How did she get that-

“No. I am not.” She replied. It seemed she was making attempts to calm herself. “These things do not concern me.”

“How hard can it be? Come on.” Gusion shrugged. “Just weeks ago Karina and I had our knives at each other’s throats. Now I can proudly say she considers me a close friend. For someone with your looks it would be easy to charm them as long as you know your way in a conversation, which I know you do.”

The elf looked unusually troubled. “I don’t know who I should-”

“Just pick a dude then fuck. Easy peasy.”

There was a long and awkward pause. His eyes widened in realization.

“…you _are_ interested in men, right?”

Miya averted her gaze, an anxious shimmer in her eyes. Gusion blinked rapidly. “Oh my God.”

Great. Miya, the Moonlight Archer, wasn’t just incapable at attracting anyone. Miya, the Moonlight Archer, was in the fucking closet.

“You know what. I’ll help you out. Let me take care of a few things and you’ll bed a woman in no time!”

“Shut it, what if your neighbors hear us-” Her face up until her ears were turning crimson. She was spouting nonsense.

“Hm.” Gusion muttered as he opened his room’s window which was on the sixth floor, gesturing his hands for Miya to follow him. “Let’s see… what about Hanabi?” He pointed to a bench where the Scarlet Flower and two of her acquaintances where situated. Miya remembered the time she caught the woman eyeing Kagura back at Franco’s café, the ninja begging for Miya to keep her lips sealed.

“Uh. I think she likes someone else.”

“…and?”

Miya sighed. “I think this someone also likes her back.”

Gusion stared at the Onmyouji, quirking a brow at the sight of her holding the kunoichi’s hand. “No shit.”

“This isn’t helping, Paxley.”

“Oh, what about her then?” The assassin pointed his finger at Freya, who was in charge of watering the plants by the west wing this week. Miya shook her head. “While I do admit she is very attractive, I heard she’s with someone already.”

“Oh, I see. My bad.” Then again, he remembered that Freya _was_ indeed taken. He glanced where the Goddess of War was, spotting a familiar dragon knight greet and hug her, to which she returned the romantic gesture. Hm. Yep, definitely off-limits. Knowing Zilong, he would guard her like a dog. Someone was bound to lose several limbs before Miya could even get near the Valkyrie’s bed.

He continued searching for more targets. He found a familiar sorceress taking a stroll. “Eudora?”

“Nope.”

Gusion rolled his eyes. “For real? Everyone thinks Eudora’s hot.”

He sighed. This was going to be harder than he thought.

He needed someone who felt just fit Miya at the right bill. Though Miya insists that she had no standards for what her potential suitors should be, he knew _exactly_ what her tastes were. Someone close, someone who could deal with the elven woman’s quirks, someone whose existence itself literally screamed ‘gay’ that one can see rainbows in the background.

The man spotted a familiar figure by the garden Freya was in.

_Bingo._

“I told you. I’m not interested in anyone as of the moment-”

“What about the infamous Lesley Vance?” Gusion suddenly remarked, pointing at the sniper who was picking flowers with Harley. The young mage was ranting about something, but he can’t read lips from that distance.

He could hear the white-haired woman nearly choke, immediately running for a glass of water on the nearby table.

Oh.

Gusion knew the two were very acquainted with one another. But he didn’t think it would go at this kind of _acquaintanceship_ , no one did. He remembered how the two would sometimes steal glances at each other, merely thinking it was a sign of worry- and now he was proven wrong. So he mistook sexual tension for respect?

_Oh._

Hmmm…

By the time she regained composure of herself, Gusion’s grin was wide. Mischief and ill-intention tainted at every contour of his lips. “So… Vance huh?”

“Shut up.”

“You have excellent taste, I must say.” Gusion put his hands on his hips. He later patted Miya on the back with a smile. “Don’t worry. I got you.”

“I’m closer to her than you are.” Shit. She was right.

“Well uh.” He didn’t know what to say to that. “I still got you. Uh. In case.”

“No way in hell and back would I trust you-“

“You know what.” Gusion said as he peered at Harley. “I have a plan.”

The hazy memory ended with Miya scoffing and holding his last donut. Gusion swore. “I’ve invested too much time for this. Miya _has_ to succeed.” He ran his one free hand through his hair, sitting down on a couch nearby.

“Anyways,” Karina declared abruptly. “Do you have any idea why Claude is so hell-bent on Lesley all of a sudden?”

Uh.

It was a rather annoying memory he would keep to himself, but he did get many good things out of his encounter with the thief as well.

It all began with the hazy memory of his team, the blue team, winning one match. Claude was puffing out his chest, with Dexter mimicking said gesture. “Our team won because of me!” He pointed to himself with vigor.

Gusion scoffed. “Shut your trap, you weren’t that useful.” Actually, he was.

“You guys saw how I totally shut down that cowboy right?!” He mimicked the sound of two guns then screamed in a high-pitch voice. “Layla! Oh Layla! Save me!”

“I was there too, you know.” Tigreal declared quietly- not wanting his efforts of taking in all of the damage for the thief to go unnoticed.

“And you took many jabs in the face from that Gatotkaca dude for me, which I appreciate. I have to think of future modeling opportunities in case stealing doesn’t work out for me.”

Argus mumbled at the side. Tigreal tapped the fallen angel’s shoulder in acknowledgement.

Gusion remembered watching the other team arrange themselves to drown out Claude’s self-centered remarks. Lesley, the enemy side’s MVP, walked by to congratulate them, later following her brother out of the platform. Claude made some borderline innuendoes once he was sure the woman was out of earshot.   

The Holy Blade snorted. “Tsk tsk, you can never do Vance even if you wished.”

Claude’s attention, which was directed at Argus and Tigreal moments ago, was now on him. “Hah. All the bitches want me.”

And Lesley Vance was sort of a bitch. A humorless, cold-faced bitch. Hard to refuse that logic.

“So logically speaking, Paxley should want you too?” Tigreal pointed out then Argus cackled loudly at the side. A glare from the assassin came into the tank’s direction, which was ignored.

“Still. Vance would never even sleep with you. Furthermore even lay a hand on you? Get real.” Gusion insisted. Mostly because that would get in the way of his plans trying to get to Harley so he can set the sniper up with Miya.

“I can get any woman or man to sleep with me if I tried.” Claude put his hands behind his head, his carefree trademark. Argus coughed and muttered a word which sounded like ‘bullshit’ under his breath. “She’ll fall for my charms like any other victim to my shows have. Easy.”

“Oh please, you don’t have a single trait which she would even be attracted to.” Like boobs. And long white hair. And elven blood. And Miya for a name, if only he could admit it. He was pretty sure the older Vance sibling reciprocated the mentioned elf’s sentiments. “All you have is your greed and some monkey. Nope. Cross Lesley Vance out of the list, sir.”

“Oh yeah?” Claude raised his voice with confidence, though Gusion can feel uncertainty behind it. “I’ll show you! I’ll show you all that this will be as easy as sneaking out of Antonerei Prison!”

The memory ended with him deciding that he should just leave them alone at the platform afterwards.

“Huh, don’t know. Claude’s annoying.” Gusion shrugged. “Sshh, someone’s walking by.”

The two now found themselves sneaking around in the vents hours after the conversation and his little memory escapades- with Gusion’s inner self hyperventilating every now and then- one doesn’t always get the opportunity with one’s crush. “Tell me.” Karina asserted. “Why are we in the vents again? And around midnight. Of all times.”

“We’re trying to sneak into Estes’ room the safest way possible. Shush, someone’s below us.” He pointed at the lit hallway below them; a grunting Lolita was walking by with some package occupying both of her hands. “Is Lolita the nightwatch this week? Tough luck.”

“What’s bad about her? There’s two of us, she’d be gagged in some dark corner before you know it.” Karina said as-a-matter-of-factly. “And what’s with Estes’ room? Is there something I should know?”

“I need to know if the love potion rumors are true.”

“Are you kidding me?” The night elf blinked in disbelief. “A love potion? Is that a joke?”

“No, look.” Gusion pointed at the wooden crate Lolita was carrying towards Estes’ chambers. The short elf dropped the box offhandedly, wiping her forehead with the back of her hand as she knocked on the elf king’s door. The Holy Blade smirked. “Hm, looks like she isn’t the nightwatch. Lucky. And that box is what I think it is.”

“I hate doing people favors like this, but I need you to come out to sign delivery papers.” Lolita’s voice echoed across the hall, but not loud enough to wake anyone up. She continuously knocked on the door while looking around. She thought about ramming into the entrance, but remembered she was under probation after what happened with Lesley’s room. “Hey? Estes?”

“Lolita.” Estes’ voice reverberated from the nearby mess hall. The man was grabbing a snack. “I will sign the papers in the morning. Just push it in my room, it’s not locked. I trust you not to break anything.”

Lolita grumbled something about not being trigger-happy and proceeded to do what she was told and left the hall. “It’s our chance.” Gusion hissed, opening the vent door then hopping into the hallway with caution. He glanced at both sides of the hall, making sure no one saw them, and slowly opened the door to Estes’ room. “Let’s go.”

“I don’t like this.” Karina followed. “What if he comes back?”

“There’s a vent entrance here.” The man aimed his finger at said ‘escape route’, which was beside the elf king’s bed. “And I trust your heightened senses, especially since it is night, can detect him before he finds out someone is in his room.”

“Tsk, fine.” She murmured under her breath, helping the brunette open the box and immediately plunging her arm into said box and touched something smooth. And glassy. And felt it had liquid in it. She retrieved the mysterious object, bringing it into the light for the duo to see.

Karina squinted at the container in her hand. It looked rather fancy with the ribbon near the cork that sealed whatever content was inside the glass. The liquid was transparent, and it seemed to be emitting no odor either, different from what she imagined. She saw a piece of paper at the bottom of the concoction’s vessel, ‘Love Potion #21’ written neatly on the parchment.

Holy shit.

The assassin snapped his fingers. “Ha! I knew it.”

The celeste-haired woman gave the man and the potentially dangerous elixir a glance, her brows furrowing incredulously. “Why would Estes need a love potion?”

“Who knows.” Gusion shrugged. “I didn’t peg the elf king to be the desperate romantic type.”

“Is he after Miya’s ass too?” Karina commented, with the brunette snorting in response. Gusion whispered ‘I hope he isn’t’ to no one in particular.

“Wait,” the night elf suddenly remarked. “There’s something else in the box.” The woman once again returned to the crate and pillaged for whatever remained inside, feeling something soft and squishy. She pulled them out and found plush toys of some various heroes (hers and Gusion included), which unfortunately seemed poorly made. Most of them were made from subpar qualities of cotton.

Except the Miya doll. For some reason the Miya plush doll had high-quality silk for hair and some expensive fur for clothing. And the cotton used was absolutely soft. Huh, it appeared _someone_ was clearly Estes’ favorite.

“Wow.” Karina deadpanned. “Too bad Miya’s a lesbian.”

“Look at yours.” Gusion brought out a mini Karina, seeing a small white cord at the back and pulling it. “Yours look like shit.”

“My pleasure,” the doll spoke in a poorly-imitated tone of the night elf’s voice. It sounded like a squeaky spinoff of Harley’s scream when he tripped on a banana peel one time. “How pathetic.”

Karina stared at the Gusion plush she brought out and tugged the white cord behind its head slowly.

“Break!” The doll vibrated as it hollered, sounding like a booted chicken, “the limits!”  

The night elf turned to the person in question, holding in a giggle. “Yours is heartbreaking. I may have lost an eardrum or two at the beginning-” Karina suddenly stopped speaking, her head frantically turning around and her ears twitched. Cute, but it wasn’t really the time to be thinking about that, the Holy Blade said to himself. What happened?

“Shit. He’s coming.”

Oh.

Damn it. To think that things were already spicing up, maybe he’ll get her next time-

“Quick, open the vents. We’ll take the potion and get out of here!” Karina mumbled as the man quickly took the concoction, arranging the mess they made in record time as he followed the night elf into their little escape route. He cautiously shut the vent door behind him, checking to see if they’ve left any trace of their unannounced ‘visit’. To his relief, was none.

Minutes later the two were outside of their wing’s respective building (that’s where the Estes’ vent ended, unfortunately), with Karina cleaning off whatever dust clung onto her casual night clothing. Gusion was doing the same, coughing here and there.

“Shouldn’t we destroy that thing now?” Karina declared after she was satisfied with herself, pointing at the love potion in Gusion’s hands.

Destroy it? Nah. No. Never. It’s the only way Miya won’t mess this up.

“Don’t worry. It will be in my possession. You don’t have to deal with anything.” He looked upward. “The problem we have to deal with now though is how to go back to my room without being seen by whoever is on nightwatch.”

“I feel you. I certainly hope it isn’t an Eruditian on nightwatch tonight. They’re a pain the ass to deal with, and so is their punishment.” Karina followed his gaze. “And wait, who said it had to be your room?”

“Why not?”

“Paxley. Your room is on the sixth floor. Do you plan on avoiding nighwatch way up until the _sixth floor_? You’re mad.”

“Then what do you propose we do?”

The night elf stared at a nearby ladder, immediately dismissing any plan involving it afterwards as it looked like it was about to break anytime. It didn’t look like it would handle two people either. She stared at Gusion, scanning his entire figure, making him feel uncomfortable.

“My room is only on the fourth floor and I have a plan.” She said; her eyes seemed deep in thought. “Though, you’re not gonna like it. But it’s the only way.”

That was how Gusion ended up climbing the walls up until the balcony of Karina’s room, with said room owner clutching his shoulders for dear life. Well, it _was_ supposed to be his shoulders, but it became his neck in the last fifteen feet or so. Technically, Karina had enough strength and stamina to climb with him instead of _on him_ , but she felt it’d be easier for everyone if Gusion just carried her. And by everyone, she meant herself.

She hopped off of him when they got onto the balcony, with him panting on the ground. Everything was according to plan until Gusion saw the panicked expression on Karina’s face. “What’s wrong-”

“Ssssshhhh.” Karina whispered, covering his mouth with her hand and shaking her head vigorously. “I think… uh. I think we climbed onto the wrong room.”

“Whuf fu yu mi ay dat?” He mumbled whilst her hand still restrained the lower half of his face. She pointed at the balcony doors- a sliding door designed like a sash window- gesturing for the man to look inside.

There was nothing surprising to look at. The room was dark, and pieces of furniture haphazardly spread about the place. There really was nothing worth looking for, at all.

Except the sight of Hanabi and Kagura making out against the wall.

…Hanabi and Kagura making out.

Gusion’s eyes briskly flickered in shock. He rubbed his eyes to see if what he was seeing wasn’t an hallucination of some sort- to his dismay wasn’t. He knew the two were a thing, but he didn’t think they were at _this_ base already. “Uh… I think this is our cue to leave.” He muttered, not wanting to look at the uncomfortable sight of Kagura dragging Hanabi to the sheets whilst his ears were turning pink.

Karina seemed to agree, looking at everywhere but the balcony window. Her cheeks were starting to pigment with a strong shade of red. “Yeah, before we ruin the moment too…”

“So… where’s your room?” Gusion was perched on the edge of the balcony railings, attempting to ignore the drowned out lewd sounds from the room.

The woman sighed, awkwardly positioning herself next to the man, ready to jump to the next balcony- which was assuredly hers. “I mistook Hanabi’s room for mine. Mine is on the left.”

A few moments later, they were at Karina’s balcony, both assassins landing soundlessly on their feet. The night elf had offered the brunette a spot on the couch for that night, not wanting to expose their roguish behavior to whoever was patrolling. The woman commented how ridiculous it was that no one spotted them while they (and by they, only him) were climbing to the fourth floor.

The Holy Blade decided to execute his grand scheme tomorrow, the events of that night nearly draining him of any energy to speak. Which of course, Karina agreed to- and decided to even assist him as well. Gusion took note to brag about his conversational skills to Miya after the ordeal, but dismissed that thought as he lay on the couch.

Karina had slept rather quickly- while the man encountered a few problems of his own.

Totally not because this was his first time in her room and he was excited about it or anything.

Totally not.


	4. of potions and mishaps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things don't always go according to plan. But in Gusion's case, it's a miserable failure in various degrees.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is so short lfmflfmao im sorry i need to end gusion's part real quick

_“Whoever drinks this has to look at their target first and foremost to achieve optimal results. This merely brings out the most romantic of desires to whoever their target is in the open- if the one who drank this, or the target for that matter do not have any emotions to base on, it will not work.”_

Gusion held the piece of paper that had been stuck under the brew’s container, impatiently scanning through the lengthy written guidelines. Did this potion work? Yes. Has he tested it? No, but he doesn’t care. The instructions on the paper said it did, so he just had to trust it. Any unwanted side effects Miya could handle afterwards.

He pounded on Karina’s door, his eyebrows wrinkled whilst knocking. Any second longer it would’ve been permanent.

Somehow, the Holy Blade greeted the morning sun back in his room, with how he got back there still remaining an enigma. Karina probably carried him back there while sleeping, he really didn’t know.

Realizing that he shouldn’t be wasting time any further, he immediately arranged himself- his casual night wear discarded in seconds, body cleansed rather quickly in the shower and his typical assassin attire now in place.

Before he traversed through two floors for Karina though, he had to make a few errands- returning a magazine issue of ‘Romantic Tactics 101’ to a certain demon hunter that is. He really didn’t know what to expect when he swung the door open- Alucard was muttering and bent over a classy red clothed table with a bottle of seemingly expensive wine at the side. All complete, a bucket of ice and a bowl of cherries at the side.

Gusion stood there saying nothing, staring at the blue-clad man. The blonde turned around and stared back. His expression didn’t change in the slightest.

“So who’s the date?”

That was the last thing he remembered before Alucard frantically jumped in front of the candlelit table, shoving the bouquet of roses in his hand under the red table. He glowered at the brunette before the next thing Gusion knew, an empty vase was flying at his direction.

And that was how he got his wake-up call at six in the morning.

He sighed at the memory.

The brunette continued striking the slab of wood, and when an irritated night elf had opened it, he ignored her protests, seized her arm and dragged her to the hall. The best time to get to anyone in particular, especially Miya, was usually around breakfast. Their chances of finding the mentioned elf were raised higher, since breakfast today had meals and pastries delivered directly from Franco’s famous café. The Holy Blade also knew that the elven woman’s favorites were on the menu today.

And perhaps Lesley was on the menu as well, Gusion thought.

The two had sneakily rushed through the buffet line- cutting in front of an unsuspecting Akai, who just smiled at them without any suspicion whatsoever. Karina gestured at a nearby table, but Gusion dismissed her choice and found a strategically close spot to Lesley, who surprisingly didn’t notice them.

“I hope your plan was worth waking me up this early.” The aqua-haired woman slipped in the seat across him, mumbling as she poured honey over her pancakes. “So, how would this go?”

“Enjoying the servings, maggots? It was inspired by my secret recipe.”

“Fuck off, Alice.” Gusion huffed in his seat, hoping the food wasn’t poisoned or so. He wasn’t in the mood to deal with more distractions, most especially after dealing with annoying Eruditians yesterday. Now, he has to go through her? Great.

“What great manners, clearly the product of the Paxleys’ poor jurisdiction over you.” Alice marched in front of the two, her head held so condescendingly high that a proud warrior would be put to shame. The irksome grin on her face didn’t seem to be fading away anytime soon.

Gusion drummed his fingers along the table, taking a quick glance at Karina who seemed to be ignoring the event unfolding beside her as she bit on a spoonful of pancake heaven. The brunette merely hissed as he returned his attention to the temptress. “What do you want?”

Alice’s eyes explored the mess hall, her gaze returning to Gusion as she spoke. “Where is your friend, Miya?”

The man’s eyebrow curved. “Why? Don’t tell me you want to fuck her too.” _Please,_ say yes. Gusion thought guiltily. That would pretty much solve the take-away-Miya’s-virginity predicament he was having. He honestly didn’t care for Lesley, or anyone else for that manner anymore-

“Tsk, as if. I just need her because that woman owes me one thousand gold.” She sneered. “In fact, it’s not one thousand anymore. She owes me five hundred more because she isn’t here to defend her claim of having a lover.” Gusion nearly choked on his coffee at her remark. What bullshit did Miya get into this time?

At the side Karina can be seen sharpening one of her blades, her eyes shimmering with killing intent. And no, she wasn’t planning to slice the pancakes in half, she preferred if it was a body instead. A certain body next to her, in particular. Gusion scoffed, making a rude hand gesture which offended Lancelot who was sitting at the table next to them. The knight stood rather dramatically, tossing his tissue to the floor as he muttered something about ‘table manners’ and ‘the nerve of some people’.

The night elf appeared to be at the edge of her self-control, Gusion putting a hand to her chest as the temptress strutted away. She snarled. “Don’t stop me. Everyone would agree I could—“

“She isn’t our target, remember.” Don’t get him wrong, along with everyone else he too, wanted to shred Alice to bits. But like everyone as well, she’s signed in with the conglomerate- which forbid killing heroes while within its grounds. “We need to focus getting this,” he showed the love potion from the night before, “to Lesley.”

“How is this supposed to work?” Karina glanced out of the wall-length windows, the sight of Miya practicing with her bow at the corner of her eye. “You two are friends and all. But I doubt she would trust any drink you give to her.”

And Miya was at the training grounds, which didn’t seem to be helping either.

Then again, they still had a few minutes before her call time- before she goes to the mess hall. They have to make the best within the minutes they had.

Hmmm…

Gusion eyed the hooded woman sitting next to Lesley, who for some reason made him feel uncomfortable. “Of course she won’t. That’s why I’m having Lesley drink it instead.”

“Right…” Karina trailed off, not noticing that Gusion was slowly prodding her along closer to the sniper’s table. He surveyed the Shadow of Iga nearby who was visibly having a hard time balancing his tray of pastries. Gusion’s eyes lit up. “We need a distraction.”

“Like what?”

Gusion rammed Karina into Hayabusa, the ninja’s ‘precious tray of bagels’ tossed over their heads and crashing onto a passing Hanabi. “Hayabusa is the rightful holder of the shadow title and Hanabi is downright weak, Karina? You can’t just go around saying that here with such disrespect!” 

Hanabi’s eyes narrowed, slowly being filled with fury. Karina slid aside as a dual-edged projectile whizzed by her head and broke a nearby table in two. The elves who occupied the mentioned table prior gawked at the kunoichi for a few seconds before registering the fact that their beloved breakfast was gone, and then proceeded to launch themselves at the ninja.

Suddenly a pink blur from the elven bunch ran towards her. Nana agitatedly whacked her hands against the marksman before realizing she didn’t have a spell bomb in her hand. She pulled a tiny blue ball from her belt and was instantaneously subdued by Irithel and Lolita, fearing that turning Hanabi into a cat would just worsen the situation more than it already is. Estes walked in the middle and tried to politely explain how Hanabi’s attack had destroyed conglomerate property, yet they would allow the disrespect and the funds to abscond their warning should the Scarlet Flower seize her assault.    

Things would’ve gone the way he wanted had Hanabi been listening instead of playing pin-the-dual-kamas-on-Karina’s-head.

A certain Goddess of War entered the hall and sighed, walking over to break whatever chaos was brewing around breakfast _of all times_. Things seemed to be going smoothly as she approached, until Hanabi knocked Karina into her and the blonde fell on her behind. Lesley stood and helped Freya up, and Gusion quickly ran over the sniper’s table, discretely pouring the contents of the elixir into the woman’s drink up to its last drop.

Natalia, who seemed not too engrossed at the discord in front of her, turned around and saw him, eyeing the empty bottle in his hand then raising her brows in curiosity. He deliberated if this was going to be his last moment before death, but his reflexes said otherwise as he leaned in over her ear and whispered, “You know, if you’re after Lesley I hope you know you’re after nothing, she has the hots for Miya.”

Natalia’s cheeks flushed slightly and she coughed, looking away. “Bullshit.”

Heh, knew it.

Posthaste, Gusion gestured Karina to retreat, since the need for a distraction was over. He made an irritated noise when the night elf decided that dodging an enraged Lolita’s hammer was more significant than looking his way.

Another woman had marched through the mess hall entrance, sweat streaming down on her face and the rest of her training attire. “Tsk, lost to Miya again.” Layla wiped the sweat on her forehead, ignoring the sight of Nana jumping onto Hanabi’s shoulders as Karina finally crawled away when Freya decided to go full on valkyrie mode on everyone within the vicinity. “Gods, I’m thirsty.”

The Malefic Gunner eyed the drink near Gusion’s hand and snatched it from the assassin, “Excuses man, I really need this after that insane shooting session!” She’d gulped down practically everything before Gusion could even speak. The man felt like jabbing a hole into the markswoman’s stomach, cancelling the plans decorating Miya’s bed with the sign of the almighty and planned destroying hers instead. He hoped that the ‘lasts two weeks’ statement at the piece of paper earlier was a miscalculation.

Layla audibly choked, laying the empty glass aside with a dull thud. “What is this shit? Tastes like rotten cheese or something.”

Whoever made that potion needed to put ‘tasteless’ in their blueprints.

There was the sound of another person approaching, and Layla turned to look. Suddenly, her eyes grew larger whilst a light shade of burgundy spread across her face. Her breathing picked up its pace and deepened, her body shaking in exhilaration as she stepped forward.

Gusion mentally died.

“Hey babe,” Layla whispered softly, winking at the newcomer.

“The fuck?” Miya glared at the woman before her, and the people behind said woman. She was already scowling when she walked in, thinking it wouldn’t grow any deeper than that. She grew uncomfortable the moment she noticed that Layla hasn’t stopped ogling at her. Nor were Gusion, Natalia and Estes, who joined in when he saw Miya enter the room. “What?”

The blonde put a finger on a flabbergasted Miya’s lips. “Say no more, love.”

“W-what,” The elven woman stuttered, trying to process whatever was happening before her. Freya froze watching the sight, clutching a baguette that was hovering dangerously close to a certain kunoichi’s face. Hanabi heaved out a sigh of relief, internally thanking the heavens that her soon-to-be-tombstone wouldn’t have the words ‘death by pastry’ engraved on them. Miya’s eyes soon returned on Gusion, who awkwardly averted her gaze in response. “…what did you do?”  

Moments later Miya was running across the gardens, profanities flying out and about from the woman’s lips as she ran through a field of dandelions. She hissed as she hopped onto a balcony on the second floor, nimbly hopping from railing to railing, one after the other. Despite her desperate attempts to escape, Layla was still right behind her, holding a large bouquet of flowers of mysterious origins.  

 “Maybe we should stop helping.”

“Agreed.”

“And maybe you two should explain yourselves now?” Estes asked incredulously while Gusion and Karina watched the Malefic Gunner chase Miya across the gardens, again. Karina sipped on her glass of iced tea as they gawked at the sight of the elf jumping over one of the balconies at the south wing building, “lover boy here thought it was a good idea to use your love potion on Lesley. Because, well, you know.”

Estes went mute for a bit before speaking once again, visibly frustrated. “You two are idiots. I didn’t even get to read the instructions myself before I found out someone stole it.”

“Not my idea.” Karina raised her arms. “How long will it last though?”

“The notes said something around a day to a whole week.” Gusion stirred his hot chocolate. “Depends on the food pattern, metabolism and resistance to various elixirs, poisons and such, I don’t know.” He paused. “Probably around two days or more, since it’s Layla. I was expecting up to only a few hours if it was Miya.”

“I love you. I can’t bear to see you hurting yourself- I’d hate to run after you knowing you’d get hurt like this!” Layla called out, gripping onto the edge of the building roof as Miya dashed straight to the top. “Miya! Let’s talk about our honeymoon!”

Gusion saw Karina gag.

The elven woman snarled from the top like an angry confined cat, leaping across rooftop after rooftop as Layla followed suit.

Lesley watched the scene in the distance with Natalia right beside her, as did most of the other heroes seeing that the tragedy in the mess hall earlier had died down. An emotion of something close to bemusement was plastered on the sharpshooter’s face, Natalia furtively smirking at the side for the small, indirect victory being Miya out of the way. The sniper shrugged as she signaled the Bright Claw that it was time to go, leaving the mess hall in peace.

Karina glanced at the two parting assassins, then back at Gusion. “Looks like your plan failed miserably.”

Gusion feigned confidence as he tented his fingers together. “Or has it really?”

It totally did.

Well, if Miya does so happen to surrender to Layla she would just get laid anyway-

“For the love of Dawn! You run so quickly. Just submit to me, for you are already mine,” announced an overexcited and red-faced Malefic Gunner, springing onto a panic-stricken Miya. “I can do this forever.”

“Fuck you—“

Layla had finally caught her, tackling the elven woman’s body away from sight. The two women tipped over the balcony, their fall creating a dull thud. “As you wish, love!”

Gusion took a sip from his drink, hoping Miya doesn’t barge into his room and completely destroy him later. So the first plan didn’t obviously make the cut, but assassins always have a backup plan somehow. As push really came to shove, he would have to go one-on-one with Lesley herself.

Assuming that no one was planning to stop him.


	5. of plots and haircuts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In light of an unfortunate(?) accident brought upon Lesley's hair, more chaos follows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im so sorry for the inconsistency of the length of each chapter i stg im trying lfmflfmfao  
> this chapter is a bit serious, less shenanigans and actually focusing on their thoughts for once lmfao

It was the unanimity among the heroes of the conglomerate that it was merely a matter of time before Lesley Vance’s stubborn mind would get the better of her. Most of the heroes have rejoiced when they were reported of her questionable advances with Miya days past, reassured that the virgin sharpshooter would finally be a virgin no longer.

Except that she still is.

And clearly Miya wasn’t the only candidate vying for the sharpshooter’s virginity.

A momentary saint Gusion was, his suspicious methods of matchmaking proved to be only successful in dreams, for the reason that trouble lurked practically everywhere in the institute. ‘Trouble’ for this instance referred to a certain thief and his pet monkey, a female Ezio-counterfeit and an elven sovereign who was too hopeful for his own good.

Harley breathed out in despair; the thought that his sister was going to make a move anytime soon was growing dimmer and dimmer by the second. The young genius hoped for the Holy Blade, his co-conspirator, that things would for once go swimmingly, but even he cannot control the force of nature which was the very idea that Lesley Vance Might Die a Perpetual Virgin.

Gusion had talked to the woman like he said he would, a day after what the heroes named as ‘The Breakfast Tragedy’, but the only reply he received was a punch to the face.

So much for being civilized.

“Now then kid,” Eudora began, snapping her fingers in an attempt to get his attention. “If you are so dead set on pursuing your masteries back at the Lion, you need to be actually listening for once.”

“I know!” Harley whined in frustration, ruffling his hair; looking at everywhere but his tutor. “This is just so _annoying_.”

“I know your older sister is really, _really_ thirsty for Miya and all,” Everyone does. “But you need to focus more on finishing what’s left of your studies if you’re so desperate of upholding your duties here. This is the last examination you have to take you know.”

“Ugh, but I hate advanced alchemy. I’d rather be studying the fundamentals of elemental magic or something. Keeping track of all these chemical properties is boring…” He _was_ a genius and all, but he too, had a sense of humor!

The sorceress raised an eyebrow dubiously. Back when she was travelling and ended up in Lion Academy, she too wasn’t that keen on alchemy. Though, it was anything but boring. There were reasons she wasn’t fond of it, like turning one of the academy’s statues into a pile of dirt once. The head definitely wasn’t happy with her, deciding that alchemy wasn’t her expertise. Fortunately.

She did pass that class though. Everything in that school was beyond easy that she was already eligible for graduation in simply two months staying there. That dirt statue was a stunt for the fun of it.

“Never mind that. Just this one task and you’re good to go for the exam.” Eudora said dismissively. “All you have to do is turn this little stone to diamond. Sounds easy, right?”

He swallowed an uncalled-for reply, staring at the stone which was the size of his fist. Concentration is key, she said. But he doubted he could even manage a lump of coal with all the thoughts swirling around his head. Seeing her demonstration didn’t help either.

“If mages can turn practically anything into diamonds, wouldn’t that destroy the economy?” Harley asked, stalling for time- his eyes darting everywhere, looking for someone.

“I never took you as a maths person, but the answer is no. At most, it would only put a strain.” She said coldly. “And we can’t turn everything into diamonds. Alchemy is side by side with intellect. Changing fundamental properties at a grand scale like you claim, requires great time, dedication and intelligence.”

“Easy for someone like you to say-”

“Vance. The stone.”

“Fine.” He muttered, waving his wand.

There was a small flash, they winced. The next thing they knew, the stone was floating mid-air.

“Vance…”

“Uh, this isn’t what I had in mind,” Harley said unnecessarily, a bead of sweat gliding down the side of his face. “I got distracted when I started thinking about today’s special chicken wings!”

Or more like he and a certain assassin had planned this from the start. And that he was just a superb actor. This was it.

The stone began spinning into a dangerously small axis, its speed increasing as the seconds pass. Sensing imminent danger, Eudora took a few steps backward. She would’ve cast a spell had her element weren’t weak against earth magic of the sorts. With a deafening whistle, the stone ran and burst right into a passerby, the circle bursting into boiling mire as it rained down on mentioned passerby’s hair.

Once the mass of melted stone cooled down and turned solid, Harley lowered his crossed arms and Eudora opened her eyes, her hands slowly leaving her ears. Other heroes in the vicinity stared with eyes wide and lips agape. Although nobody looked more terrified than Harley himself, his arms were virtually everywhere as he started panicking when he saw who the passerby was.

Fake though.

“I don’t seem to be hurt…” Lesley said slowly, touching the solid mass which solidified on her locks. The top was fortunately untouched, but a bit lower down it was an ugly mess. Natalia, who walked alongside the magenta-haired woman, was glaring at the two (or mostly Harley, for that matter). “I assure you two I am unharmed-”

“OhmygodohmygodsisterI’msosorry-” Harley kneeled down, clasping his hands together in fake apology. He then coughed and proceeded to speak his apologies again once he adjusted his volume. He looked at Eudora who seemed more amused than angry. His eyes traveled to Natalia, who looked like she was prepared to kill somebody- he was already regretting the plan when it wasn’t even halfway yet. Pathetic. “I didn’t mean to do that! I swear!”

It wasn’t that he was scared of his sister. He was more scared of the person _beside_ his sister.

It didn’t seem like he was apologizing to his sister either.

“I’m fine, Harley.” Lesley said with a reassuring smile. “It’s okay.” She ruffled the young mage’s hair. Harley froze when the hooded woman beside her shot him a jealous glare. Eudora shoved her palms over her lips to keep herself from laughing out loud, but it seemed this last-minute mechanism was failing horribly.

The young mage wasn’t sure how long he could keep the charades up until he thought of a generous, and much logical way to escape the conversation and go forth with his co-conspirator’s plan design.

He fainted.

The three and the crowd around them blinked at the same time. The lightning sorceress’ restraint was now but a pipe dream.

“Ha!”

“I fail to see what’s so comical about my brother losing consciousness, Eudora.”

“Oh jeez, lighten up Vance.”

Natalia kept her claws to herself for that hour, fortunately.

After most of the bystanders and the remaining crowd had recollected their wits (and sympathies, per se), Lesley was speedily escorted to the institute’s infirmary- Harley’s seemingly unconscious body was carried by a visibly annoyed Natalia, though she didn’t speak of anything for that matter.

Both the sorceress and the assassin had left the siblings to their own devices when they caught wind of the volunteer nurse of the infirmary, Rafaela (much to Natalia’s annoyance, Eudora supposed). Estes was also there, tending to a bunch of paperwork; his smile upon their entrance was somewhere between confusion, surprise and amusement.

“Your visits have been frequent these last few days.” Rafaela said. “I already figured yesterday won’t be your last in a while.”

“Some things around here really can’t be avoided, unfortunately.” The sniper said flatly. Many _sane_ heroes had given their commiserations to the woman in the long run, and this wasn’t the first time someone had subtly hinted her bad luck around the place. Admittedly, Lesley had grown accustomed to the stupidity around her, but she was certain that her brother and Eudora were to blame; perhaps contributing factors to her misfortunes, even. They were a magnet for trouble wherever they went.

Rafaela said nothing more on the subject, her attention turning fully to the magic-invoked catastrophe on Lesley’s locks. The mysterious solidified ooze defied all attempts to be examined; various charms, spells and enchantments were used but had done nothing. Rafaela concluded that the only sound and harmless solution was to cut more than half of Lesley’s hair- a sigh escaping the subject’s lips in response.

“Very well then.” Lesley spoke in resignation, she had already figured back in the fields. Nothing could be done when there was chaos literally everywhere in the halls—but she had hoped that her hair would be spared by a miracle granted by the gods somehow.

Apparently said gods didn’t give a shit.

“I don’t really want to know what happened.” The blonde angel remarked tiredly as she opened her desk, nodding at the magenta-haired woman. “I can’t just fathom how the people here can’t stay still. Do they know what settling things in a ‘civil manner’ mean?”

“This is hardly as serious as The Breakfast Tragedy.” Estes commented from the side, cautiously looking at the ginger-haired mage’s perfectly real, absolutely not fake sleeping form.

The reason why it was called a tragedy was because Freya was there-

“It’s just hair. It will grow back eventually.”

“Let’s see if you can say the same after we’re done with these scissors.”

After almost half an hour of irregular snipping, unskillful cutting, and borderline-afflictive hacking (thanks Rafaela), Lesley’s locks were liberated of the eerie gray sludge. The mass lay on the floor in hideous piles, too many that it seemed that her head barely had anything to hold on to. She internally lamented at the loss, dreading to see what she looked like now- despite that she never cared much of her appearance prior.

“I did all the best I could,” Rafaela reassured her with a smile, passing her a pocket mirror. “I hope it isn’t anything too surprising.”

The markswoman reluctantly accepted the object and held it in front of her face.

“I… Well—” She blinked in disbelief. “This… this actually looks pretty… nice?”

Her hair wasn’t anything close to what it was pre-cut, though, her iconic half-covering fringe on the left side of her face still remained. Her hair barely reached her shoulders; the ends were a mess of split-ends and sharp edges. While indeed it was surprising and too drastic of a change- in all honesty, Lesley had never felt particularly attached to her long hair, but who was to blame if it hasn’t been this short since she was a child?

She didn’t feel like going back to the Vance mansion for the meantime. Harley’s servants (and Harley himself, probably) would have a field day when they see this and probably commission a portrait to hang in the grand hall of the house.

Lesley was struck by an even more horror-inducing notion.

_What will Miya think?_

She found it difficult not to think about the elf. And she was a flirtatious, annoying, and admittedly _attractive_ handful beyond all reckoning. Early on in their questionable relationship, Lesley dismissed her merely as a rival, a goal to surpass, but after getting much more acquainted with her and paying more attention she was obliged to conclude that Miya was, in a sense, drop-dead perfect.

To spend time with the archer was to expect the sniper’s funeral to arrive any moment. Every time the elf was around she feels a flittering, boiling sensation in her stomach as if all the obscene desires she never knew she had manifested; her heart races and in several occasions her mind ceases to work properly.

Her body had adapted to Miya in true Vance fashion; just the sight of her alone is enough to cause Lesley’s palms to break out into a sweat, her anxiety increasing tenfold. Try as she might to subdue these reactions, they still continue to persist even after the sniper had convinced herself that what she was feeling were just flukes, it was perfectly normal and it isn’t anything _romantic_ like she suspects.

Friends. That’s how far they can only go. Who was she kidding?

It was a very risky path to walk on. There were too many things she didn’t know and too many facts that she missed, she’d much rather keep their friendship as it is, despite how awkward its state is presently. She took note that she must fix their strained relationship before it broke away entirely.

However, right now there were more distressing and rather alarming factors. It never crossed her mind that Harley was the type to faint, even under the most serious of circumstances. He was the insufferable type- after being knocked down he’ll just get up again and even accompany it with a snarky side comment. Harley would- instead of being frozen in place and swoon- fight back harder. It was very unlike him, and she felt there was something amiss.

Lesley went over to Harley’s bedside and inspected him with caution. Was he perhaps suffering from a fever? Being weakened could possibly explain why the sudden action, or maybe overwhelmed by pressure (which was very unlikely, she thought). Though the angle was quite awkward, she touched his forehead anyway, but his body temperature was normal. Odd.

Luckily she couldn’t see his eyebrows twitching from the angle she was at— thank the Gods for your unnecessary luck, Harley Vance!

“He hasn’t woken up yet. Is he going to be alright?”

Estes didn’t look away from the book he was reading, she squinted at the cover. Was that ? “He’s seen worse. As long as most of his body parts are still attached, he’s fine. You can go.”

“Ah. I should stay with him until then.”

He waved her off. “No really, you can just run along. He’s not going to wake up anytime soon.”

“I see. I’ll be going back to my quarters then.” She didn’t wait for a response, dashing out of the infirmary with her senses on high alert. Estes smirked at the young prodigy’s body, his face still buried in his book.

“You’re lucky she’s thinking about other things. Couldn’t have saved your ass otherwise.”

Matches were over for the day by the time Lesley had returned to her quarters, most of the conglomerate’s occupants were busy at the mess hall having dinner, rendering her able to move through the hallways unseen. Not yet having the courage and confidence to face everyone with her fresh haircut, she decided that she had no choice but to skip eating for that time. Unhealthy, but necessary as the situation called for it. Perhaps she could go around midnight, snitching whatever remained of the pantry.

She hears a knock on her door, a familiar voice resounding through the slab of wood. Reluctantly putting on her iconic resting bitch face, she opened the door and gazed at the visitor, her worries over her short hair temporarily forgotten.

“Hey Lesley-san, I just thought that I haven’t seen you around the mess hall and thought I should come to check… on… you…” Kagura was frozen in place, her eyes widening. And then she noticed the sharpshooter’s hair and let out a tormented scream.

“EEEEEEEEEEHHH?!”

Much to her fortune, nobody was near them the night Kagura turned into a blushing, blabbering and slightly frightened mess- Lesley had no idea what the mage was muttering, but the least she heard was something about leaving someone and having her babies or something. She had sworn the innocent onmyouji into secrecy- trusting her unfamiliar credibility. At least she was able to sleep through the night knowing someone liked her new appearance, somewhat.

Hopefully that would be the same result this morning, she thinks.

After the eerie love potion incident with Layla, Miya’s reputation went down crashing through the roof. There were also hearsays of her dubious advances on her rumored ‘best friend’ that spread like wildfire, it went out like the plague so fast that a few days after, a cult just for pairing the two was formed- its leader’s identity still unknown. Nana laughed at her when she heard of the ridiculous love triangle, whilst Irithel curiously referred to it as the ‘holy trinity’. She shuddered at the thought.

She’s heard of the misfortune that had befallen on her dear acquaintance as of recent, but she had yet to know what it was, because the rumors she was presented with were vastly different from one another- not having enough information to tell apart which was credible.

Her arrival in the infirmary was too late per se, as there was no Lesley in sight. She even tried to wake up earlier than usual to check up on her, but unfortunately the markswoman wasn’t even in her quarters. The elven woman had come to an impasse between her emotions and obligation- deciding to leave her target’s room and her early training in pursuit of something far more important: breakfast.

Miya began to fret. She wanted to know what happened, and most importantly clear up the shenanigans that Gusion and Karina brought to her on a silver platter two days before. The elf had yet to explain herself regarding the events that have transpired, most likely the redheaded sniper would be distraught over the sight of a love-struck Layla, as the Malefic Gunner herself yelled, literally after her unborn children. Or worse, Miya feared that their ‘friendship’ (as Lesley fondly quoted herself) was indirectly crooked.

“Yo, looking for your girlfriend?” Zilong said, coming over to Miya’s seat as the warrior munched on a ham sandwich. “Man, wouldn’t want to be in her shoes for now.”

Miya made a stifled, choking noise as she sipped on her cup of coffee. “I’m not her girlfriend.” She rubbed her throat pitifully.

“She’s fine. Raf and Estes know what to do so it won’t be anything significant.” Zilong slapped her on the back. “Besides, Harley’s was funnier.”

“What was funnier?”

“Yeah, he just… passed out in the middle of Eudora’s tutoring.” He smirked slyly. “It looked like he faked it if you looked up close, but I don’t know why he did it though.”

There was a change in tone, but she wasn’t certain if it was her inaudible choking or the level of mischief in Zilong’s voice rising stupidly. He commented with a smug grin. “Though I’m pretty sure you’re only interested with what happened to Lesley, aren’t you?”

Miya snapped from being neutral to a burning bright red. “What? O-of course not. She’s a friend. I’m just worried. That’s all.”

Zilong’s grin grew even wider. “Friends? Is that an inside joke?”

“Sh-shut up.” Miya frantically looked around to see if anyone heard, but there was none to her fortune. She sighed. “What if Lesley hears?”

Months prior to the unusual rise of schemes plotted everywhere, Miya had found herself inexplicably drawn to Lesley, and it wasn’t until Nana and Irithel pointed it out that it became explicable: Miya liked Lesley. Miya wanted to be around her, but just seeing Lesley gave Miya urges to run for the hills. Miya wanted to look at her for days, but whenever Lesley looked her way she felt like the sun focused all of its energy on her, burning and scorching the elf inside and out.

While not being a fan of talk and more of action, Miya wanted to talk to Lesley until they ran out of words to say and stories to tell—which would be a long time since Miya spoke in both English and the elven language, Lesley on the other hand knew a lot of sophisticated terms—but she could barely mouth a ‘hello’ without mentally preparing herself beforehand.

“Heh, no need to get all hot and bothered so discretely over Vance. If she knew you had the hots for her you two would be sucking each other’s faces in that grand mansion of hers before you know it.” Zilong remarked as-a-matter-of-factly. “After all, who wouldn’t afford to pass up on the elven marksman of legend who saved her people from near extinction?”

“Lesley wouldn’t be so undignified to partake in what you say as ‘sucking face’, dipshit.”

“Yeah, well I don’t care. Knowing her is your job. I’d say you go for it and go for the catch!” Zilong went back to his seat beside Chang’e with a licentious chuckle.

Just then, Eudora walked into the hall and slid into the buffet line. She looked unusually shocked (pun intended), much like the state Miya caught Kagura in yesterday at the north wing’s hall.

A lot of the heroes swooped upon her all at once, asking about Lesley.

“She’s fine,” the sorceress said blankly, her eyes staring into the floor. “Really fine.”

That hardly satisfied the inquiring heroes, but they couldn’t extract any more information out from the still shell-shocked woman. She only mentioned that Lesley would be arriving later, and that was everything else.

“Everyone, everyone!” Franco said by the buffet table. “I know most of you are concerned about the woman and all, but I’m pretty sure none of you want Freya to be the one monitoring the halls for nightwatch this week? Right? Then shut up or I’ll request to make that a reality!” Most of the heroes shivered at the mention of ‘Freya’ and ‘nightwatch’ being in the same sentence.

Somewhere in the distance, a certain blonde valkyrie sneezed.

“That’s quite a shame. I find the idea of Freya being the hall monitor for this week to be very soothing.”

Leaning by the frame of the mess hall entrance was none other than Lesley Vance, and the mere sight of her almost socked Miya’s soul out of her body. The rest of the heroes in the hall didn’t fare any better either, majority of the female heroes swooned, the men suffered from massive blood loss and the rest drooled. Karina somehow did a spit-take without having anything in her mouth.

“Holy shit, Lesley _Fucking_ Vance!”

The iconic long braid was virtually non-existent. The long, bewitching locks were now reduced to a low cut that hugged the woman’s luscious neck, the hair barely reaching her shoulders; her iconic eye-covering fringe was still there though. Miya’s knees were growing weak at the sight before her. It was impossible for a woman to look so perfect regardless of her presentation, this was unfair! Miya was fighting the urge to get on one knee and propose on the spot. The only path of resistance left to take was to not look at her at all.

Miya was so distracted by Lesley’s new look that she almost didn’t hear her remark.

“I suppose a change in style once in a while won’t hurt, right?” She smirked and flicked her bangs behind her ear, sending the occupants of a few nearby tables into cardiac arrest.    

Lesley was certain that her new appearance would be greeted with mockery. She had no way of deducing that her reception would be the exact opposite—looking at Kagura’s response.

Far from ridicule, Kagura was reduced to a flushing mess of white, giggling like an overexcited pubescent child. “You’re, um, really hot,” she said while she twirled her hair with her hand nervously. “Like. Really, really, hot.” It had taken almost an hour of awkward, abashed conversation for Lesley to accept that Kagura’s change in demeanor was caused by sudden attraction to her new appearance. So much for being loyal to Hanabi, Lesley thought.

The slightly shorter mage had convinced Lesley that there was nothing wrong with her new looks. In actuality, it was ‘nothing wrong’ and ‘everything right’. So far everything turned out the way she planned it, everybody had bought her display and even regarded her merrily (by merrily, they would all need a blood donor by next week) as a bonus. The only problem she could see was that Miya was turned away. She wanted to go and speak to her, especially regarding the events the past few days—as they haven’t had a proper conversation in a while, but of course _someone_ had other ideas.

“The readings on this butch meter are off the charts!” Claude shouted. “Not even Fanny scored _this_ high!”

The mentioned assassin snorted in the background.

Lesley’s eyebrow twitched. Miya pretended not to notice that her body temperature rose a hundred degrees. The sniper walked up to her ‘friend’, who was resolute with staring at the cup in front of her. Her eyes failed to maintain focus as it flicked up just long enough to see that Lesley was taking a seat across her.

Oh fuck.

“Hey.” She greeted in a soft voice. “It’s been a while since we’ve properly talked.”

“I’m s-sorry about uh, two days ago, whatever that shit was.” Miya mumbled in her smallest voice, her eyes darting everywhere but at the person in front of her. “And uh, your room. And that I wasn’t there to help you when you fell from the fourth floor. And well uh. I wasn’t there to help you out with your hair or something—“

Lesley lowered her head enough to see Miya’s anxious expression. “It was an accident, just so you know.” She smiled gently as her hand slowly went towards Miya’s face, “it’s got nothing to do with you either. Please refrain from blaming yourself over things you had nothing to do with. It’s unhealthy.”

“But—“

“Sssh.” She put a gloved hand over the elf’s lips. “I don’t talk to you for a few days and I come back to a blabbering mess? I know you can do better than that.” Her tongue ran over her lips out of dry instinct, her eyes drilling into violet pupils intently. _Or was that stunt you pulled back in my bedroom just a fluke,_ was an unspoken thought.

Miya’s temperature spiked tenfold, she began muttering curse words in her mother tongue as she searched for a way out. The heroes watched the interaction between the two women with something close to intoxication in their eyes. “I bet they’re gonna bang tonight, five thousand gold,” Ruby whispered to Lolita, who giggled as a reply. Knowing she had an audience watching intently merely intensified Miya’s fluster.

How well does the famed Miya, Moonlight Archer fare under pressure?

“Are you alright?” Lesley pushed her seat closer, her hand brushing over Miya’s forehead. Her face dangerously hovering close to the elf that it seemed a small ground tremor would cause the _most likely of things_.

“T-totally fine! Never been better! How about you?!”

The answer to the question prior unfortunately is: not so much.

She didn’t look fine to Lesley. Her face was heating up that it was close to matching Hayabusa’s eye color, and the elf wasn’t doing so well in the focus department either. Contrary to the confidence the elf flaunted in her companion’s room days past, she seemed to have trouble speaking; her condition was so close to that of Harley’s yesterday for Lesley’s liking. If only she knew the source of Miya’s agony, she could remedy it and Miya could finally have some peace.

“If you’re unwell, you need to say so. You should be more honest about what you’re feeling.”

“Over my dead body,” Miya mumbled under her breath. If she were to be honest about what she felt, she would die of mortification. On the other hand, flat out confessing her feelings in front of the entire institute might be enough to send this new, ravishing Lesley running, which would allow her to respire like normal…

Despite the sniper’s incessant urging, Miya remained tacit. Lesley feared if she was being too pushy. She understood the concept that everyone is entitled to their privacy, but this was for Miya’s own good. She only wanted to be a good _friend_ \- but Miya’s health is a too important factor to overlook. Lesley’s forced confidence was wearing thin, but she decided to make her last push. Maybe a little more stress would exhibit the importance of Miya delegating to her companions?

Lesley leaned in tantalizingly close. Too close. “You have to tell me what the problem is.”

“You’re the problem!” Was what Miya wanted to say, but it remained a dialogue only in her head. The elven woman felt as if every blood vessel that existed in her body was about to burst. Or perhaps the sudden entrance of a myocardial infarction could be an ideal route of escape right now…

“I h-h-h-have to help P-Paxley for today! W-w-we can see each other later!”

No one would have thought that it would be possible to experience not one, but two eye-opening worldviews in just a day, the situation itself was mind-boggling at its finest. But of course, the heroes have shown that this Earth was proven wrong once again.

“D-did Miya just imply that she would _willingly_ help _Gusion_ of all people?” Irithel asked Nana, in which the cat elf retorted with equal surprise. “Wow, Miya really is sick.”    

Lesley frowned, watching the elf’s shrinking figure as mentioned woman ran away into the fields, somewhere in her chest was a persistent ache of… disappointment? She didn’t mean to intrude, but she couldn’t just stand there waiting for all forms of contact between them to cease. What was she supposed to do?

Then again, she couldn’t just go up to Miya and say ‘Roses are red, my face is too, that only happens when I’m around you’. That was Miya’s job, or whatever her little bedroom fluke showed her what she should be doing. It wasn’t in her character to be so bold and straightforward, and confessing like that wasn’t the epitome of true Vance fashion. As Harley said, a Vance lets the target go after them, not them going after their target.

No doubt, that was most likely the elf just playing around. The impeccable Miya probably had no need for a girlfriend, and if she did, she could land any girl she could’ve wanted- the options in the conglomerate are very refined anyway, if she had to admit.

Lesley sighed into her table, deflating in the similar method of an overused beach ball. Well, the least she could make use out of their now rustic mutual cordiality was to just admire Miya from afar.

Somewhere in the distance, a certain young prodigy pumped his fist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for reference, short-haired!Lesley would be reminiscent of something like kirishima touka's do in tg:re.


End file.
